How to Find a Therapist Who’s a Good Fit for You
Finding a therapist can feel overwhelming. You might be asking yourself: Where do I even start? How do I know who’s “right”? What if I choose the wrong therapist?
If you’re feeling unsure, you’re not alone. Many people want support but feel stuck at the very first step. The good news is this: finding a therapist who’s a good fit for you is possible, and you don’t have to get it “perfect” on the first try.
This brief overview will walk you through things to consider when trying to find a therapist who fits your needs, personality, and goals — so therapy can feel supportive, safe, and helpful.
Why Therapist Fit Matters More Than You Think
Research consistently shows that the most important factor in successful therapy is the relationship between you and your therapist. Not the therapist’s resume. Not the specific technique. The relationship. Finding a therapist who has good experience, and uses effective, evidence-based approaches absolutely can have a positive impact, but nothing outweighs the impact of a positive relationship with your therapist.
When you feel understood, respected, and comfortable, therapy works better. That’s why finding the right fit matters — and why it’s okay to be thoughtful and selective.
Start by Clarifying What You’re Looking For
Before searching for a therapist, it helps to reflect on what you actually need right now. You don’t need all the answers — just a general sense of direction.
Ask yourself:
What’s bringing me to therapy at this point in my life? Consider what difficulties or topics in your life you would like to discuss and work on in some way.
Am I looking for support, coping skills, deeper insight, or healing from something specific?
Do I want short-term help or longer-term therapy?
Also consider practical needs:
Do I prefer online therapy or in-person sessions?
What fits my schedule?
What is my budget, and how will I be paying?
Having clarity here can make the search feel much less overwhelming.
Looking at Therapist Websites or Directory Profiles
When it’s time to search for a therapist, many people turn to search engines such as Google or directories such as Psychology Today to find suggestions. Looking at websites and directory profiles can be overwhelming, so let’s talk about some tips about what to look for.
Licensure - You may notice therapist have different letters and credentials after their name (LMHC, MSW, LMFT, PsyD, PhD, HSPP). These credentials represent different training programs and licensures for therapists. The most important thing to look at here is to make sure that your potential therapist is licensed in the state where you live. (Note: Some psychologists like myself are licensed primarily in one state and then hold a PsyPact license, which allows them to provide online therapy to people in most states in the U.S.)
Specialties - Reading through the website or profile, make sure that your potential therapist lists the concern you are wanting to address as something they have experience with or treat in their practice. For example, if you’re looking for couples therapy, make sure that is listed as something your potential therapist provides.
Approach - You will likely read information about the way your potential therapist approaches therapy. They may list information about different techniques they are trained in and utilize, including things such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR, Psychodynamic Therapy, or Humanistic Therapy. Many therapists use an integrative approach, blending multiple approaches to find what fits for each individual. Without getting too detailed, just know that these are different ways that therapists approach therapy. It may help you to google some of these therapies when you’re looking at potential therapists, but it isn’t absolutely necessary! Instead of focusing on the jargon they use, notice how the therapist describes their work. Does it sound fitting for you? And do their words make them sound like someone you can imagine opening up to?
Logistics - Don’t forget to look at the logistical details as well - including: location (online vs. in-person), openings for new patients vs. a waitlist, and cost or how to pay for therapy.
The Human Side of Finding the Right Therapist
Beyond training and techniques, therapy is about connection. Here are some additional things to consider that may impact your feeling of comfort or connection with a therapist:
Do I prefer a therapist who is more structured or more conversational?
Do I want someone who gently challenges me, or someone who focuses more on emotional support?
Is it important to me that my therapist shares or understands certain aspects of my identity or life experience?
There’s no “right” answer here — only what feels right to you. You may be able to find some of these pieces of information on a potential therapist’s website or directory profile, but they may also be things that you need to ask a therapist in your first conversation.
Using Consultation Calls and First Sessions Effectively
Many therapists (like me!) offer a free consultation call. This is a chance to get a feel for the therapist and ask questions to see if you are aligned on some of the things that are important to you.
Helpful questions to ask:
“What is your approach to working with [my concern]?”
“What does a typical therapy session look like with you?”
“How do you work with clients to meet their goals?”
“How do you help clients know if therapy is working?”
During your first session, pay attention to how you feel:
Do you feel listened to?
Do you feel safe being honest?
Do you feel supported rather than judged?
You don’t need fireworks — you will likely feel a little nervous or uncomfortable talking to ANYONE for the first time - but you should feel some sense of ease or possibility after a first conversation.
What If It Doesn’t Feel Like the Right Fit?
This part is important: it is okay if the first therapist you meet isn’t the right one. Often times, I suggest people give it a couple of sessions to see how you feel once you’ve started with a therapist, because it can take some time to feel more comfortable with someone. But this guideline doesn’t work for everyone - listen to what your gut is telling you is right for you.
A therapist not being the right fit does not mean:
You failed
Therapy won’t work for you
You’re “too much” or “doing it wrong”
Sometimes it takes a few tries. That’s normal and valid.
Signs it may not be a good fit:
You consistently feel dismissed or misunderstood
You feel pressured or unsafe sharing openly
Your concerns don’t feel respected
You’re allowed to trust your instincts and keep looking.
A Final Word of Encouragement
Finding the right therapist is an act of self-care. It takes courage to reach out, reflect on your needs, and advocate for yourself. You deserve therapy that feels supportive, respectful, and aligned with who you are — not just a therapist who is available.
If you’re ready to begin, start with one small step. Read a profile. Schedule a consultation. Ask a question.
And if you’re looking for a therapist who could help you with managing depression, trauma, or insomnia - take a look at my information on my website or Psychology Today profile to see if we might be a good fit!
Sincerely,
Dr. Varner
