Why Am I Sad During the Holidays?
Not feeling like the “most wonderful time of the year?”
For many people, the holiday season brings feelings of joy, celebration, warmth, and connection. But for many others, this time of year brings something very different: increased stress, emotional heaviness, or a sense of loneliness. It can feel impossible to talk about these feelings when those around you seem joyful.
If this is you this holiday season, you are not alone.
We sometimes call it the “holiday blues” or “holiday depression” and the experience is incredibly common. It doesn’t make you a grinch or mean you’re doing anything wrong - it means your nervous system may be reacting to the holiday season’s unique emotional load.
Why Do People Experience Depression Symptoms During the Holidays?
Feelings of Loneliness and Disconnection - You may be feeling out of sync with the people around you during a time when connections and family and friends are in the spotlight. Maybe you’re missing people who live far from you, coping with a breakup or an estrangement from friends or family.
Grief and Loss - Traditions and festivities that can bring great joy and meaning can also highlight feelings of loss for those grieving a loved one, processing difficult memories, or remembering a version of life that no longer exists.
Emotional or Financial Stress - Busy schedules, social expectations for gatherings and spending, gift-giving, travel costs, and difficult family dynamics can all pile up at once during this season. Even if you’re getting some enjoyment and meaning from some of your holiday traditions, it can feel overwhelming when everything piles on top of each other
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) - Depending on where you live, during the holidays you may also be experiencing shorter days, limited sunlight, and cold weather. These changes in your environment may disrupt sleep, and lower motivation, mood, and energy.
Signs to Look Out for This Holiday Season
The “Holiday Blues” can show up in different ways, including:
Fatigue, low motivation, or sleep disruption
Withdrawing socially or avoiding holiday events
Increased anxiety or a sense of dread
Feelings of sadness, irritation, numbness, or emotional overwhelm
Turning to substances or other behaviors of “numb” or “avoid”
Feeling disconnected from your usual sense of self
If this list is sounding familiar, keep reading to consider ways to address your current difficulties.
How Do I Cope with the Holidays But Not Lose Sight of What Matters to Me?
When people feel depressed or overwhelmed, it’s common to slip into patterns of emotional avoidance — trying to numb discomfort, withdraw from others, or escape stressful environments. It makes sense. It’s a natural human reaction to want to avoid things that cause us difficulties. When the holidays have got us down or stressed to the max, we can start to pull away.
But here’s the problem - pulling away from what matters to us will leave us feeling disconnected and lacking meaning.
So if the answer isn’t to withdraw and isolate, what do we do?
Steps to Battle the Holiday Blues Without Losing a Sense of Meaning this Season
Identify What Truly Matters to You - Consider what expectations, traditions, and values matter to you during this season. Make decisions and commitments based on what matters most to you, not on social expectations from others.
Acceptance & Willingness Instead of Avoidance & Fighting - It’s okay to feel sad and overwhelmed during this time. The beauty of emotions is that you can experience great joy and meaning while also feeling difficult emotions. Make room for all of your emotions. Trying to fight them or avoid those hard emotions by withdrawing from the people and situations around you takes you away from the opportunity for the positives. Go into the season with a spirit of acceptance and willingness - be willing to work through hard feelings when it brings you something meaningful and positive.
Build Tools for Self-Compassion - Show yourself compassion during this season. Talk to yourself with patience and kindness - “It’s okay that this is a hard moment.” And use this kindness to move yourself towards what matters to you - “I may feel some stress during this event. And I can get through it so I get quality time with my friends.”
Take Small, Meaningful Actions - Take some active steps towards creating a season that aligns with your values and needs. Set a boundary for your time with people who feel draining. Create a budget that gives you a sense of financial peace. Schedule a day when you’re sitting at home watching holiday movies with a loved one or a pet. Take two minutes to practice a grounding exercise or breathing technique before walking into a holiday party. Plan an event with people who make you feel calm and feel like yourself.
These steps are always easier to say than to do, but taking steps to be mindful of your emotions, values, and needs and intentional with your decisions and behaviors could help you work through the “holiday blues.”
I think I might need some more help.
If these symptoms and difficulties are feeling like too much for you to handle on your own, or if you’re noticing that these symptoms go beyond just the holiday season, it may be time to reach out for support from therapy.
Therapy is a place where you can feel seen, supported, and understood during a difficult season, or while learning to cope with long-term difficulties.
If you have questions about if therapy is right for you, contact us today!
Or if you’re ready, schedule a free 15-minute consultation to discuss if therapy feels like a good fit today!
You Don’t Have to Move Through This Season Alone.
Wishing you peace and a meaningful season,
Dr. Varner
